Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
