U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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