This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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