Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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