Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
