We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
