I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
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