The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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