Me too!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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