went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
