all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
