Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
FUCK WHALES
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