I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
