a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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