I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
