I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
