Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
