needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
