They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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