Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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