I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
