If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
