question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He has the fingertips of a God
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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