Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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