Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
