I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
