At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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