i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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