I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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