I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
