was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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