Your dad touched me again.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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