glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
