How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
