I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
