mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
