Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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