their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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