Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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