Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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