then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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