Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize