I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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