Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just found puke in my bra..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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