I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
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