I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
