Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
