Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
She's the barista slut.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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