I want to walk on stilts...naked
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
