I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
