Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
