I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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