highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize