broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
