never play flip cup with pint glasses
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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