It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
