i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
a search helicopter?!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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