so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm passing your future prison.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
my nose is crying tears of wow.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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