why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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