my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
