1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
