Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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