If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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