girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My cat gives me a boner
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize