Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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