I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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