i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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