I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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