:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
