no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Randomize
