Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
