You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
