Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
