He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
