woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Drunk walkin through police station. America
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize