So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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