i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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