Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
