why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
