and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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