we're chasing vodka with high fives
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize