i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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