it hurts more in the daytime
I looked at my own cervix.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
