I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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