Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
