put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
wow bdsm is so cute
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
