How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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