She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
