Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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