i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
