..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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