what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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