How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
