I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
