I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
