You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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