So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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