he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
