Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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