i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
