I CAN MOONWALK!
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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