my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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