What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
