Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
