Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
