I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize