drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
