Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
