She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
