I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
