Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
