direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize