Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
