This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
false alarm. still invincible.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Come on in and take your pants off
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