i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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