From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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