So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
